Punctured: 7 riding excuses to laminate and carry with you

Science has shown that old excuses – like brake pads, Keep Calm memes and the will to live – simply wear out. I had a link to a science story that proved it, but my dog… washed it… in my other trousers.

The following traditional excuses are good, but they’re old and your friends might have heard them before. They still work, but at just 34.6 percent of their original efficiency:

1. “I thought it was a recovery ride”

HOW TO WORK IT:

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“I’ve got a lot of kilometres in my legs. They’re just so very full of kilometres. You know how if you took all the veins in a human body and laid them out, the line would stretch 160,000km (and your trial would be sensational)? My veins would be 160,000km of pure road. And that’s just from this weekend.

“My legs are saturated with kilometres. Just this morning I cut one shaving and my entire bathroom was surfaced in A431 [it’s a road in southwest England, international readers] before I could even stop the bleeding.”

2. “I must have a slow puncture…”

HOW TO WORK IT:

3. “I’ve only got water in my bottle”

4. “I brought the wrong bike”

5. “I was going so fast I gained mass and slowed down again”

6. “I was cornering so hard I broke time”

7. “I’m not very fit”

You can read more at BikeRadar.com